it's time...

It's time to return. Time to return to a normal life. Now I ask, what is normal? My normal for the past 4+ years has been work, life, church, parenting, and overshadowing it all: grad school.

It's hard to describe what part time schooling does to a person who is living a full time life. I think it is best described as a cloud hanging over your life of "normal" activities. Always that nagging feeling that you should be doing some type of studying, research, or reading some article or textbook. I honestly don't think I've truly comprehended yet what life is going to be like now that this cloud has dissipated. My mom said to me, "You mean I don't ever have to hear again how you have homework to do?" I know she said it with all the love in her heart--so, yes, mom, I will never have homework to do again. :)

So, it's time to return to those things I've set aside: writing (journaling, blogging), scrapbooking, photography, playing the piano, reading a novel, exercise.....oh the list boggles the mind! Can I remember how to relax? How to enjoy and set goals in my hobbies?

It's also time to be a parent. Not that I haven't been a parent for over a year now, but I've never really felt that I've been the best parent. The cloud even overshadowed that. I look forward to every moment with my daughter, encouraging her and being the mom that I always wanted to be.

I also look forward to once again continue sharing the adventures that occur in our home on Prospect...it's time.

sun day!

kind of like a snow day...only the opposite! :) Actually, my cousin wasn't able to babysit today, and since I have a few comp days to use, I'm home with my girl today. And, we're so lucky to be able to enjoy warm, 80 degree weather as a bonus to our weekday together!

Since she is working on nap number 1 for the day, I thought I'd take a moment to update the ol' blog. I am sticking to my promise to keep it lower on my priority list during this busy season of life, but I'm finding that I have no record of what's going on in our lives then!

So, a brief look at our month of March:

• super busy at work with teaching classes, a state review of the health center, work with nursing students, and couple of trainings for myself--busy month, but rewarding!
• Graduate classes continue--homework, homework, & more homework
  
• Celebrate my 33rd birthday
• Go to Crystal Mountain for an overnight stay in a beautiful cottage with friends & all of our kids. So fun!! Leah experiences swimming for the first time and loves it!
• Leah begins sleeping through the night--12 hours straight!
• Our other "child", Harley, has to be put down. He had been growing a tumor for a few months that we had chosen not to treat, but the end was rather abrupt--not something we had expected so soon. We still have moments of emptiness...in our lives and home. I just picture him in heaven--chasing all the squirrels he could ever want!

And, now we're into April! Spring break was last week--we stayed home and thoroughly enjoyed doing so. I love watching my babe grow and see her experiencing all life has to offer in her little world. She is not quite sitting up on her own yet, but loves standing up while holding onto our hands. In fact, most of the time that's all she wants to be doing! She's just a little peanut, but loves to watch & observe everything around her. I know it won't be long until she's off trying to explore everything too!

I also had to make the decision to not involve myself in our church's easter musical. This was a tough one for me as I so enjoy singing in choir; but, I'm learning that other things have to be priorities right now. We often talk about the seasons in one's life--so, this season is about being a working mother and finishing my commitment to graduate school.

I miss writing too. This blog has always been that outlet for me, but finding the time to do it is tough! I know season will change soon though, and I can write a backlog of the multitude of things that I have wanted to write about. :)

In the meantime, it's time to go and enjoy this season's weather with my girl!

A new year!

If I had to describe 2009 in one word, it would have to be UNBELIEVABLE.

I have to say this past year was truly one of the most amazing years of my life.  I started out in Bangladesh, came home to learn about the power of faithful budgeting, then discovered I was pregnant--and already 11 weeks along!, then had to learn how to handle end of life issues within my own family and plan a memorial service for my father-in-law, then took a break and had a super fun vacation with friends and family, and then had a beautiful baby girl, and now am a mother!!  This was all while still taking graduate classes and working a job I still love and am passionate about. :)

I have to chuckle at this excerpt from my post of January 1, 2009:
"I look forward to the experiences God has in store for me for 2009. Happy, sad, fearful, thrilling...whatever they may be they will continue to mold me and I look forward to every opportunity!"  Little did I know at the time what God truly did have in store; and when I reflect back on it, I get teary-eyed with amazement at how God works in my life.  He speaks in every moment and in every event He has carefully crafted into my life.

One of my most favorite songs is sung by Mandisa and the words, I believe, speak to my past year and the coming year...a reminder that all the experiences in my life are used by God to remind me how much He loves me!

Have you ever heard a love song, that set your spirit free?
Have you ever watched a sunrise and felt you could not breathe?
What if it's Him.
What if it's God speaking.

Have you ever cried a tear that you could not explain?
Have you ever met a stranger who already knew your name?
What if it's Him.
What if it's God speaking.

Who knows how He’ll get ahold of us?
Get our attention to prove He is enough.
He’ll do, and He’ll use whatever He wants to.
To tell us, I Love You.

Have you ever lost a loved one
Who you thought should still be here?
Do you know what it feels like
to be tangled up in fear?
What if He’s somehow involved?
What if He’s speaking through it all?

Who knows how He’ll get ahold of us?
Get our attention to prove he is enough.
He’ll do and He’ll use whatever He wants to
To tell us, I love you.

His ways are higher
His ways are better
Though sometimes strange
What could be stranger than God in a manger?

Who knows how He’ll get ahold of us?
Get our attention to prove He is enough.
Who knows how He’ll get ahold of you?
Get your attention to prove he is enough.
He’ll do and He’ll use whatever He wants to,
To tell us I love you
God is speaking, I love you
 

Praise God from whom all blessings flow and I look forward to the blessings of 2010!!

all the time...

God is good all the time and all the time, God is good!

This phrase keeps going through my head the past couple of days as storms of life seem to be blowing around many friends and loved ones. Yet, in the midst of all this, Jason and I have reason to celebrate. I won’t go into great detail because mostly it’s a lot of detail… ;) but, we’ve been dealing with some financial stuff lately without any kind of roadmap to guide us. It’s been a lot of praying and leaps of faith, all the while hanging on to each other and our Heavenly Father, knowing that it would work out in the end.

Well, yesterday we were given a gift; a blessing, really. God literally allowed us to experience his amazing presence as a result of what we thought was a pretty tenuous faith! What amazes me most is how often in my life I forget the miracles that God bestows on us, most often in the times that we are least expecting them! He knows all, sees all, and continues to provide us with peace in the midst of any storm in our lives no matter how shaky our faith may become.

So, I’ll say it again: God is good all the time and all the time, GOD IS GOOD!!

the new year

So, I'm sitting in the guest house in Dhaka, Bangladesh. One of the most populated, expensive cities in the world. It was here that I was able to welcome in 2009. what an experience...almost more than words can really describe! The honking horns, the rickshaws, the smells, the colors, the language, the Muslim call to prayer heard over a loudspeaker five times a day--just in case you were starting to forget where you were...

In the midst of this, I'm taking a moment on New Year's day to sip a diet Coke--Bangla style. Otherwise known as Coca-Cola light. Another stark reminder of my being very far from home...yet, somehow a little comforting...

2008 was a great year...a full year of being married, being a graduate student, and really not much more time for anything other than that! I don't recall making any resolutions or goals, but I really do feel I accomplished a lot. Lately, I've really been having a feeling of peace with the timeline of my life. God has been so good to me, allowing me to experience so many different things: nursing profession, education opportunities, best friends, home ownership, singleness, traveling the country and the world, pets, marriage...ah, my heart aches with so much gratitude for all the pieces and parts of my life that have shaped and molded me to be who I am and who I will continue to be.

I look forward to the experiences God has in store for me for 2009. Happy, sad, fearful, thrilling...whatever they may be they will continue to mold me and I look forward to every opportunity!

Merry CHRISTmas!

I would like to start out saying: never (if you can prevent it anyway) plan to take a large trip to a far-off land two days after Christmas...these past weeks have been a little overwhelming to me. All the people to see, things to bake, suitcases to pack, lists to make, not to mention just the mental preparation of venturing to new worlds...*whew!*

Thankfully, I am in a place in my life where December 24 & 25 themselves are not too busy. A quiet evening with the family last night and a late afternoon get-together today at my grandparents is about the extent of Christmas celebrations. This is giving me an opportunity to do some quiet time reflections on this special honoring of my Savior's birth into this world. My favorite moment about this holiday is Christmas Eve night, with the snow silently falling, and remembering the moment of His birth. How honored I am that He should do this to save me from my sins!

15 months

15 months of marriage! I can honestly say that it has truly flown by. One of our wedding presents was a journal to document the miracle of marriage. I sat down the other night to document and realized that I haven’t documented much. :) Not to say because there has been no miracle—because there has—but because there is so much that happens, it’s hard to keep up with all the documentation!

My best friend told me that she realized after a year or two of being married that she actually loved her husband more than when she had first married him. Being that I’m not really a “hopeless romantic” I remember thinking, “okay, whatever.” But, even in just these first 15 months of being with my best friend, I now am realizing what she meant. This truly is the miracle of marriage: that I love my husband more today than I did the day I married him.

How does this phenomenon occur? I cannot explain it. Maybe it comes from the teamwork spirit we have in working through issues. Maybe it comes from all the shared experiences we have. Maybe just from being in the presence of one another most all the time! Whatever it is? It truly is a gift from God to experience a love that represents His love for us—one that grows each and every day.

breathless

Do you ever get the feeling that life is moving along so quickly that you don’t even have the time to catch your breath? I’ve been pondering that fact lately…how it seems as though life is moving at such a pace that I don’t even have time to realize it! I sat with my graduate school advisor yesterday to map out the next year and a half of my life. I have mixed feelings of “why so much longer?” and “that fast!?” (I plan to be done in April 2010).

Family members are growing up and getting married, children are being born (& growing up), grandparents are aging, friends’ lives are transitioning…all of these major life events are occurring and I don’t feel as though I’m showing enough interest in all of these occurrences. Having the time to ponder my own life and family seems to be exhausting enough, so reaching out to all others appears to be a momentous task at this moment in my life.

So, I want all my friends and loved ones to know how much I truly think of and pray for you. You are all near & dear to me in so many ways—and are never far from my thoughts.

Having said that, my life will continue on with work, graduate school, church, veterinarian appointments…and now will throw in my brother coming back home and most likely moving in our upstairs bedroom again, the holidays, and a trip to Bangladesh.

God is good! :)

circus

so I've decided that I'll put a positive spin onto the drama of my job: no longer will I approach it as exhausting politics and manipulations, but rather, it's a circus! Everyone has their own little area of showmanship and displays and my job will simply be the ringmaster--just making sure everyone has their job done correctly (ie, serving the students & their families) and yet in the end is having fun and smiling or laughing about something.

Ever heard the phrase, If we didn't laugh about it, we'd cry? That, my friends, will be my mantra this year.

Angry parents, frustrated students, exhausted staff, tough administration...this is my life as a school nurse in a high school health center. So, finding the little things to laugh or smile about are that much more important in keeping the circus in proper function. :)

lots of stuff

So, here I thought I would have a nice, quiet, relaxing summer...ha! :) Well, in actuality, my summer is still going to be pretty low-key. But so many exciting things are going on, and will be going on by the end of 2008, that it seems almost like too much fun!

First, my best friend will have her first child in October. I could likely be an aunt to a little niece, which would totally be an answer to my "secret" prayers... ;) Second, my best cousin/sister of my heart will be getting married in October as well. It has been so fun to walk the road of relationships together throughout recent years, so it will be even more fun to continue that journey together into the most important relationship(s) we have ever entered into... Not to mention the fun we will have in the "planning a wedding" process! ;)

Third, I will be taking mission trip to Bangladesh with a small group from my church at the end of this year. With the loving and truly encouraging support of my awesome husband, I will be venturing into a foreign land to meet and show God's love to the people of the churches in that country that are supported by our church. I will most likely get to use my nursing skills in my most favorite way--through education and teaching regarding health matters. Oh, it doesn't come as a shocker that I'm a bit nervous about this trip, but I truly feel that God has laid it on my heart to go. I've already asked Jason if it would be okay to pack one of the orphan children in my suitcase to take home... ;)

Wow...God is such a great God. It will be a blessing to watch the rest of 2008's adventures unfold...

anniversary

I’ve been wanting to blog on this for awhile, but the date came and went without any fanfare from me. On May 11 I celebrated the seven year anniversary of being a home owner. It really amazes me—I don’t think if you had asked me if I would still be in it even five years from then I would’ve said yes. Wow. I remember it being such a huge, major decision in my life. I was in the middle of switching jobs when I applied for the mortgage, I had no idea what all the fine print meant, I really was all about the bottom line monthly cost and the fact that it was going to be a good thing that I wasn’t “throwing money away” into renting somewhere.

The idea was planted when a friend and I were renting a house (for very cheap) from a lady who was going to be selling the house upon her six month return from Arizona. We loved the house and it would have been very convenient to continue living there if I was able to afford it. Unfortunately, her asking price was not in my pre-approved mortgage budget. It was about then that my loving family got super involved and began giving me all kinds of loving advice as to how to proceed with my life concerning home ownership. I say loving because they do love me, but at the time it was maybe more smothering…

Needless to say, it was my grandpa who was doing drive-bys in neighborhoods on the northeast side of GR and told me about the house on Prospect. I had already looked at several houses within my limited price range and was getting rather discouraged with the level of disarray most of these houses were in. But, ever hopeful, I had my realtor set up a visit to this one. Upon walking in, I was greeted with the overwhelming smell of cigarette smoke. Nice. The owners had already moved out a few months before, so the house was empty, but their scent still lingered. I pressed on though, and knew the second I walked into the roomy, sunny family room in the back that this house needed me in it. The other bonus (compared to the other houses in my price range) was the fact the bathroom was actually nice! I had fallen in love.

To make an already long story a bit shorter, I took a vacation in there, and upon my return was able to make an offer on the house. On May 11, 2001, I signed the closing papers.

Since that date, I have had four great roommates rotate through, two dogs, and one husband. I have had several fun parties, but also scary moments. I remember wanting to do and change so much within and around the house, but only time & finances determine what I’ve been able to accomplish. I’ve heard the phrase that a home’s walls should “speak of laughter.” Well, reflecting back on all that has occurred within the walls of this home on Prospect in the last seven years, I can most assuredly say that they would speak of joy.

Now that is a prospective-life. :)

prayer day

May 1 is the National Day of Prayer—and 2008 is probably the first time I’ve ever truly recognized it. I’ve learned in recent months of my life that prayer is a necessity; I mean I’ve always known it’s important, but it truly has become a necessary part of my day. A good book that I continuously read is The Power of a Praying Wife. I say “continuously” because I read it through once and knew that I would have to carry it with me to read it over and over again whenever I get a spare moment (usually a short lunchtime). I have found that it not only makes me feel closer to my Heavenly Father, but also to my husband. I think about him more throughout the day, saying short little prayers, and then much better able to understand his side of things when it comes to life.

I used to keep a prayer journal; I haven’t been so good at that as of late. But perhaps this day is being brought to my attention as a way of God speaking and reminding me what an important tool this is as well.

In a creative team meeting at church the other week, we were talking about how to teach people to pray. Some people think that prayer is something that happens as a quick little recitation before eating a meal. However, prayer should be and is deeper than that—especially for a Christian. It is a conversation between a person and their Father. It is a moment between the souls of a Creator and His beloved creation. Thanking, praising, asking, seeking, sometimes even begging…but most importantly, listening. God speaks to us continually, praying can be a moment that I listen and speak back

grown-up

Do you ever feel like being an adult is an out-of-body experience? There are times, particularly in recent months, where I feel like I’m still about 21 and trying to live the life of a 31 year old. There may have been dramas and such during my college years, but they usually blew over quickly and then supplemented with many fun memories of hanging out with friends and traveling and such.

Now, “drama” is the not the word I would use to describe the stressful events in my life. Words like “pressure” or “anxiety” are ones that better fit the life of an adult. Situations like managing co-workers, family tensions, children, aging parents, aging bodies! All of the above lead to a daily stress level that makes it necessary to actually plan and schedule in times of relaxation, or as I like to call it: decompressing. :)

Life has lulled a little right now with my two grad classes done for the semester and the summer one not starting up for a couple of weeks. The break came just in time for me to gear up for the big state school nurse conference that I plan and is scheduled for May 8 & 9. I do enjoy planning this conference and it’s nice to be able to come home and get stuff done without having to worry about homework.

I’m looking forward to this weekend and fully decompressing from a pressure-filled week. Also remembering James 1:2-4, “Count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

Discouragement & Leadership

I can't take credit for the following meditation--but it is one that means a lot to me. -rjv

Kings 19:9-11 9There he went into a cave and spent the night. And the word of the LORD came to him: "What are you doing here, Elijah?" 10He replied, "I have been very zealous for the LORD God Almighty. The Israelites have rejected your covenant, broken down your altars, and put your prophets to death with the sword. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too." 11The LORD said, "Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the LORD, for the LORD is about to pass by."

Our work can be very challenging. We give everything we have to the business, to our families, and to the building of God’s kingdom in our lives and can still come away exhausted, overwhelmed, endangered, fearful and alone. That’s what happened to Elijah. God had just used him to call down fire from heaven in a spectacular display for divine power. But Elijah’s experience of great triumph was soon replaced by death threats, exhaustion and discouragement. It seemed like too much for him, and it was.

So God intervened. God confronted Elijah about what he was doing away from the assignment God had given him. God removed Elijah from activity for a time so that he could rest and spend time with God. During that time, Elijah experienced again a quiet time of God’s provision, God’s incredible power in wind, earthquake and fire, and God’s instruction about Elijah’s role and his leadership. God’s instruction came not in a loud spectacular way, but in a still, gentle voice.

God’s instruction to Elijah contains lessons for us about the leadership roles we find assigned to us. First, its wrong to think we are alone in the task. God provides others who are pointed in God’s direction, and He expects us to engage them. Part of the leaders role is to accept responsibility for developing a strong team and for succession planning. When we’re listening, He gives clear direction about the roles to be filled and who can fill them.

Circumstances can overwhelm, leaving us disoriented to God and feeling alone. We can get to the point where our focus is no longer on God, but on all there is to do. Let God take you aside so that you can be comforted, encouraged, and can listen for His quiet voice. He will provide exactly who and what you need to prepare you for what comes next.

Good Friday

Normally, every Friday is a good one for me as it signals the end of a long and typically busy & stressful week. But this Friday is a special one as it is a day of remembering the hugest act of love one person has ever done for me. My Heavenly Father committed his Son, my Savior, to death on a cross so I could have eternal life in heaven with Him. What wondrous love is this!!

I have spent some time in reflection on this today, and often reflection for me includes music. The following are the lyrics to the song that has most touched my heart and through which I have heard my Savior speak to me today. Remember there is only ONE place to finding true peace--in the arms of Jesus!

Voice of a Savior sung by Mandisa
Some people try to listen to the bottom of a bottle
Some people try to listen to a needle in their arm
Some people try to listen to the money in their pocket
Some people try to listen to another's arms

You and I are not that different
We got a void and we're just trying to fill it up
With something that will give just a little peace
All we want is a hand to reach to
Open arms that say I love you
We'd give anything to hear
The voice of a Savior

Some people try to find it with blind ambition
Some people try to find it where no one else has gone
Some people try to find it in the crowns of victory
Some people get defeated and lose the strength to carry on

Some people try to find it in the shadow of a steeple
Some people try to find it in the back row pew
Some people try to find it in the arms of Jesus
That's where I found it, how about you?

You Tube video of song

new name

So, yesterday someone apologized because they hadn’t changed my last name on a document. It made me realize that I think I’m not fully used to this new last name of mine. I don’t even have a second thought when I see my full maiden name in print, and when I see my “new” full married name, I still kind of do a double-take and honestly think—wait—who is that again? Oh—it’s me!! :)

Silly, but when you’ve had one name for 30 years of your life, it’s kind of an adjustment to get used to the new one. When we got married, I wasn’t sure if I was going to change it. Jason had no opinion really, and everyone in my professional life knew me best by my maiden name. Options I considered were either keeping my maiden name in the profession realm only, or even possibly the whole hyphenated last name thing. It wasn’t until I was sitting in the secretary of state office that I made my final decision: to change it to VanDenBrink. I knew I had to do it for myself—hanging on to name for sentimental reasons would not have been good for me.

I really loved my last name, it was very unique with very few people actually able to claim that name in the United States. I could “hide” my Dutch heritage behind the name as well—being that it came from across the border of Germany. :) Sure, I always had to spell it for everyone, but I was used to it. Interestingly enough, I still have to spell my last name! It surprises me how apparently difficult it is to spell VanDenBrink; and evidently, not everyone who has the last name capitalizes the V, the D, and the B. What’s up with that?

So, there you have it. A brand, spanking new, Dutch last name, that is looong, AND difficult to spell. Someday I’m sure I’ll appreciate the upgrade. ;) I’m kidding of course; adjusting to this new life path has been amazing!

crunch time

happy birthday to me!! well, as of yesterday, anyway! :) Yesterday I was initiated into the age category of "early 30s" No longer at the milestone of just 30, I'm now 31. I'm surprised at how this suddenly feels so much older than I thought it would be. Good thing I have a best friend who is 32 and a husband who is 28. One reminds me that being older is not so bad and the other keeps me young. ;)

It was a good day all around--I felt I made some good accomplishments at work, then dinner with my family, then a nice walk with husband & puppy in the warming spring air. It was a nice day!

Now, today, crunch time begins. I have a nasty paper due in my nursing theory *gag* course tomorrow. This will make for an interesting day. Luckily, the weather will keep me from being too cranky as it is sunny and suppose to warm up to 50 degrees today! yeah for SPRING!! :)

leap day!

Happy leap day to everyone! At work today we talked about how this should actually be a recognized world-wide holiday as a vacation day. Since we are getting "caught up" with our trip around the sun, we should also get "caught up" on things that may be lacking in our lives--namely, rest!

Here in Michigan it's just one more day to add to our record breaking month of no sun and lots of snow...I'm ready for March!

oh, and happy birthday to my brother, who is in Korea and as of right now is already in March--celebrating his birthday I hope! :)

concept analysis of my life

Can one person do too much? I'm testing this theory...I may have to even do a concept analysis on it (an inside joke with myself...). Right now in my life I have the following to keep me out of trouble: work as a school nurse, plan an annual conference for Michigan Association of School Nurses for both this year and 2009, two graduate level nursing courses, sing in church choir and be in easter musical, and be a loving, encouraging, and supportive wife to my wonderful husband.

The highlights: being a wife is definitely right up there! But my work as a school nurse and all that that encompasses (MASN) is really exciting. I love being a part of something so big--not only touching the lives of my students and families, but also working within the state-wide organization of MASN as it works to improve the standards of school nursing practice.

The lowlights: one of my grad classes is really getting to me. Nursing Theory is such an incredible stretch for my "live by the rules" personality; words like "phenomenon" and "empirical referent" and "concept analysis" are all completely abstract to me. I've never been good at arguing--much less arguing for concepts I barely understand! My only light in this tunnel is the topic of my research paper; I chose to investigate Reactive Attachment Disorder. Many of you may not know what this is--but if you really want to know, just shoot me an e-mail and I can have you proof read my paper once it's written. ;)

So, there you have it, Rachel's life in a nutshell right now. All I can say is, God must have big plans for me, cause I'm feeling very stretched!

good books

I’ve read a couple of really good books recently. On our trip down to Tennessee, there was a billboard in Kentucky announcing a store that had 20,000 books for under 5 bucks! I couldn’t speak I was so excited! So, being the wonderful husband that he his, he got off the next exit and brought me to this magical bookstore. :) After browsing for awhile—I picked out a couple of good Christian Fiction (my favorite!) that looked liked they would be a good read. Often, when I do this—that is just pick out a couple of random books—I get a little nervous that I may have wasted money. (I really need to visit the library more often…) But, there are times when I pick out winners—books that will stay on my book shelf to be read again in the future. This was one of those times!

Winner #1: Room of Marvels by James Bryan Smith
If you’ve ever read The Five People You Meet In Heaven, and enjoyed it; you will love this book as well. It was a beautiful and powerful look at what Heaven could be like. I loved it! Jason even witnessed me crying at the end—always a sign that I enveloped myself in the storyline. :)

Winner #2: Beyond the Blue by Leslie Gould
This is an emotional and beautiful story about two women, one an American who lost her mom in the Vietnam war and one a Vietnamese who lost everything but her mom during the same war. The story brings their lives together when the American woman decides to adopt children from Vietnam. The Vietnamese woman becomes a mother who chooses to give her children a better life than she can provide. You can only surmise what the resulting storyline is—a poignant look at international adoption from both the birth mother and adopting mother’s points of view. It became one of those books I could barely put down!

I love finding good books—especially those that seem to touch my heart and mind in some way. For now though, it’s back to boring old textbook reading...